It is for families who are worried that their young people may become involved in bullying.

It is for all people in the Guildford Grammar School Community.

The advice below is therefore the most important thing in this booklet.

I commend this Guide to you and urge all parents and care givers to discuss its contents with their sons and daughters.

Right

Everyone at Guildford Grammar School has the RIGHT to feel safe and valued.

Responsibility

It is everyone's responsibility to ensure this happens.

Nobody has the right to hurt other people at Guildford Grammar School by:

• calling them hurtful or racist names
  
• hitting punching or kicking them
  
• spreading rumours about them
  
• threatening them
  
• sending nasty notes about them
  
• teasing them repeatedly
  
• picking on them
  
• interfering with their property
  

or by doing anything else which is intended to be upsetting.

Bullies try to justify their actions by saying that it is their victim's fault for being different. They may pick on someone who is tall or small, fat or thin, or wears glasses, or has a different accent, or another religion, or is shy, or clever, or good looking, or disabled ...

3. STOP BULLYING

Children and adolescents who are being bullied feel powerless to stop it happening. They may be angry, frightened or bewildered. The families of these young people are often angry and frustrated on their behalf.

All these emotions are natural. We should never underestimate the fear that a bullied child feels.

5. FOR PARENTS....SPOTTING THE SIGNS

There is no sure way of knowing that a young person is being bullied. Physical injuries may occur, though these are rare. Other signs such as unexplained illnesses or reluctance/refusal to go to school may have other explanations. But parents can tell when a young person is unhappy. If you are worried, discuss your worries frankly with your son or daughter.

Parents should also take an interest in the friends of their child or adolescent. You should ask what happens at breaks and on the journey to and from school.

If you are still worried make an appointment to see someone at the school. Even if the teachers cannot explain what is wrong, they will now be alert to the possibility of a problem.

Avoid rushing in to confront the parents of a young person who is bullying your own, or who are accusing your child of bullying theirs. Arguments between parents usually make the situation worse rather than better.

If your child begs you not to intervene, you will have to take into account what has happened and their age and personality. It is not always easy knowing what to do especially, when teenagers are involved.

Telling a bullied child to hit back seldom works.

"Stand up for yourself' or "Walk away - laugh it off' or "Ignore it" may not be very helpful.

Children and adolescents hide the fact that they are being bullied because they are frightened (of what the bully may do or how their parents may react) or ashamed of being a victim.

Children and adolescents who bully others either hide this from their parents or may present them with an incomplete version of the truth.

If your child or adolescent is involved in bullying either as a victim or a bully, he or she needs your confidence and understanding.

If a young person is being bullied

• encourage talking; this may be difficult but be patient.
  
• try not to over react; listen calmly and try to work out the facts.
  
• be sensitive in areas such as 'names' the young person is called.
  
• give assurances that the situation will be changed.
  
• assure the young person that it happens to most people at some time; we learn to avoid it or cope with it or confront it.
  
• reassure the young person that it is not happening because there is something wrong with them.
  
• help the young person to use it as a learning experience, as a challenge to be met and overcome.
  
• prepare the young person for possible teasing and taunting with nicknames. Talk about why they can be so hurtful, explaining that not responding helps in stopping the unwanted behaviour.
  
• talk with other parents and share ideas and experiences.
  

If your young person is bullying others

• make it clear that bullying because of revenge or for annoyance or fun is unacceptable behaviour.
  
• help the young person understand the difference between assertive and
  aggressive behaviour.
  
• make it clear that hurting or distressing another person unable to defend himself/herself is a form of weakness and proves nothing.
  
• explore the possibility that the young person is seeking attention and love. Are there home or school situations that are contributing to the young person feeling alone/lacking confidence?
  
• sensitive discussion may indicate that the bully is also a 'victim'. This is a delicate situation and requires sensitive and empathetic handling.
  
• explore the need for development of self confidence and success in an area to counter poor self esteem.
  

6. FOR BROTHERS , SISTERS , FRIENDS

Brothers, sisters and friends often know that someone is being bullied. Sometimes the bullied person asks them not to do anything. Sometimes they do nothing in case the bully picks on them. But doing nothing is exactly what bullies want - this is what gives them power - that is why they go to so much trouble to try to stop you telling.

Doing nothing means that the bullying will continue and as confidence grows the bully will choose more victims.

Doing nothing also means that the bully may think you approve of what they are doing.

But don't tell them they should deal with the problem on their own - if that was possible they wouldn't be asking you for help.

And don't try to deal with things on your own.

7. CONTACTING THE SCHOOL

If someone in your family is being bullied you must contact the school. If you are being bullied you must tell somebody.

The best person to speak with is someone you already know and trust. It is helpful if this person has a senior position within the school.

Everyone at Guildford Grammar School is committed to stopping bullying. You may choose to

• talk it over with an older student, a Prefect, a House Prefect, Peer Support Leader
  
• report it to your Tutor, Housemaster, School Chaplain or Counsellor
  
• go directly to the Deputy Headmaster, Senior Master, Dean of Studies or the Headmaster.
  

The School Handbook will help you decide who to contact.

If you find it difficult to talk with an adult, ask one of your friends to come with you, or ask someone to talk to an adult on your behalf.

8. UNDERSTANDING THE SCHOOL'S RESPONSE

Bullying is not easy to solve.

Simply punishing bullies may help to deter some bullying behaviour but it can make things worse. It also ignores the fact that bullies may need help. They may need help to come to terms with other personal problems or to understand the effects of their actions.

At Guildford Grammar School we have decided in the first instance not to punish bullies. Our primary concern is to protect the victim. Initially we will work with the victim and the bully to find ways to make things better.

While we are committed to stopping bullying in an atmosphere of calm and with a positive desire shared by bully and victim alike, if the bully persists then he or she will be asked to leave the school.

Guildford Grammar School is committed to stopping bullying.

We are committed to providing a school that is safe for everybody.

Our priority is to stop bullying at an early stage and not wait until it has becomeserious enough for the bullies to be punished.

The key to stopping bullying is getting those involved to talk about what is ' happening:

• the young people
  
• the teachers and
  
• the parents
  

Working together we will continue to "Go Forward".

10.1994 ROCK EISTEDDFOD RAP

This is a story from way across the land
about the uniting of so many different clans
From North and South and East and West.
all believing that they are the very, very best.
Crews , groups , possies and gangs.
smashing each other in what's known as a gang bang.
But now you shall see how they all come together.
like a congregation , uniting , yeah , whatever.

So many people turn a blind eye to those in trouble.
they wouldn't care if their brother or uncle.
Was getting dissed , put down , or hit to the ground
by some other group , who don't play around.
So many people just turn away.
shrug it off their shoulders why?, cause they're so afraid.
There is one thing I would really like to see
What's that? "Everybody everywhere , in harmony"
Well, now you can see as the story unfolds.
how people in gangs can be so cold.
Most bullies seem to think they're so tough -
Bullies think they're hot , guess what? They're not!!""

Tickedy tic , tic tac toe, you all really don't know.
Think bullying is cool. but it's got to go.
So many gang members are stupid in the brain.
they got no thoughts at all, they're totally insane.
It's time to , wake up , buck up , straighten up
cause if you ya don't , you will muck up and end up
In a cell , or should I say in a hell;
rejection down town is where you will dwell.
You act really smart and really tough at school,
giving cheek to the teachers , breaking all the rules.
I often wonder why schools let these things occur,
let their schools get wrecked , tossed and turned.
Unless you all hear this positive call,
"Bullying won't stop , no , not at all"
It seems to me alot of schools don't care about it
cause "only good schools do something about it."

"Bullies think they're hot!! Guess what? They're not!"
"Bullies think they're hot!! Guess what? They're not!"
"Bullies think they're hot!! Guess what? They're not!"
"Bullies think they're hot!! Guess what? They're not!"